In a hospital bed I was once in the presence of visiting female who suddenly began to rage on about somebody whom had done them wrong. She was fiery and intense but due to the strength of my IV solution I had completely zoned out for the start of the outburst. When I had come to realised this I suddenly tried to grasp any understanding to the dispute but it was too late for it was long gone from me. (Eventually I came to understand that it all had something to do with a car and typically, another woman).
Now even though I was completely lost and was having very little input into the violent conversation, every once in a while there was pause and I was expected to issue a supportive response. Luckily though I’m a boy and have been in similar situations many times before. My body knew exactly to do. I would fit a “Yea” here, a “You’re right there” there and sometimes a random “Yes you’re definitely, definitely right”. This continued for quite a while, back and forward in a routine manner with my visitor only stopping for air or for a forged kind approval.
I soon however grew uninterested of this and my mind again began to wander. Peering around my room for anything of interest my eyes noticed a free CD that had come with one of my Sunday papers. On the cover of the CD was Dean Martin and all of a sudden I found myself in a world of my own as my underperforming mind struggled to name any of his songs. Eventually I came up with two, Ain’t That a Kick in the Head and Memories Are Made of These.
As my female visitor continued on here wrath I soon became acclimatised to her anger and was no longer in fear of her temper. So to kill my boredom I decided to play a sort of counting game, a game to see how many Dean Martin lyrics I could fit into my part of the conversation before being found out.
So when an opening in the my visitors ranting came up I first stated
“Ain’t that a kick in the head?”
It worked. She nodded approvingly and kept on going never stopping to question my statement that should’ve seemed irregular to my usual use of vocab.
It soon came for me to reassure her again and I went for a different line from the same song.
“Ain’t that a hole in the boat?”
Again nothing happened I some came to realise that there was something to this and it had potential. Sadly however on that day when it came for me to respond a third time it soon became apparent that I had run out of appropriate lyrics and all I could do was repeat the first line
“Ain’t that a kick in the head?”
This time my visitor stopped for moment before continuing on. For the next few minute her suspicions rose at every response as all I could do was repeat the above two lines over and over. Eventually it came to the point where the distrust got the better of her when she said
“Are you mocking in?”
I didn’t know what say at first but suddenly remember some lyrics from the second song of Dean Martin’s I had previously remembered. As I slowly put my hand over my visitor’s hand all I said was
“Memories are made of these.”
As my visitor’s heart began to melt and as her eye’s began to flutter I suddenly snatched the tranquil moment by raising my arms and bursting out with the song’s back-up singers’ line of
“SWEET-SWEET memories you gave to me”.
My visitor was not amused and I was then reacquainted with the antipathy of woman.
Nevertheless she had just witnessed the creation of a great game, a game for the modern male in those social trapping times when a lady likes to rant.
Now of course for future playing the game is not constricted to just Dean Martin a player can easily expand to all genres of music. Recently I’ve wanted to try the following
“How long, how long must we sing this song?” – Bloody Sunday by U2
“(Well,) big wheels keep on turning.” – Proud Mary by John Fogerty of Creedence Clearwater
“One way or another you’re going get them….get them….get them!” – One Way or Another by Blondie
To the well listened reader you may have noticed the tweaking to some of the above lyrics. This is so the lines give sound slightly more innocent but that’s perfectly fine as long as the lyrics are distinguishable to a third party if they are listening. In fact this where even more fun can lie as bringing another friend into the equation can create more enjoyment.
More contestants mean more competition but this only heightens the entertainment value as the competitors are now forced to control themselves and not let on to the female. With additional players rules and themes can be set such as sticking to one band.
Take the recently retired R.E.M.. To play using only them one could us the following lines
“(That’s like) pushing an elephant up a stairs” – The Great Beyond
“Everybody hurts. Take comfort in your friends” – Everybody Hurts
“(Huh!! that girl is so head strong she wouldn’t even believe) they put a man on the moon” – Man on the Moon
Again there clutching at straws.
I should probably finish with a note of caution to any player. This game was created as a bit of harmless fun but unfortunately boys will always be boys and sometimes their over eagerness to impress and outdo one another will go too far. It is for such reasons that this writer believes that any repercussions towards a player while playing in this way definitely had it coming to them.
All that being said, have fun.